What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 23:49
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why am I attracted to older men?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was very sick at this time too.
So whats the point in blame.
What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When she asked me how she looked .
Would this be the day?
Are female judges more lenient than male ones?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
What would happen if the Earth stopped spinning for one minute?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was scared of men, in general
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why do I want to be caught sucking dick by my wife?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What was the worst spanking you got growing up?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What do people aim for when they meditate, and how do they do it properly?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What it is like to have sex with a relative woman?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
In the Belly of This Beast, a Major Find - Newser
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I waited trembling.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I have no regrets .
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I don,t even have a pension.
All the time i was locked up.
Comes on , in middle age.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We were not on the streets..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I could never make a relationship work though!
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It was going to be , some day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But ive been too sick for many years..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Was to survive, this bastard.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im still living with it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was 9 years of age.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I said to her
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But, we were locked up after school.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i lived it daily.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was in good health!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He knew the spot.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I was seconnd youngest,
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
What did i know ?
I think the readers, may guess!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I write beautiful poetry .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She loved him until the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I will be 64.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Put me off passion for life!!
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We all went to grammer schools
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Who then, do I blame.?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it wasn’t much.